We’ve all been someone’s object of complaining, criticism and comparison. Or at the very least part and parcel of their narrative of victimhood that becomes overwhelming after a certain point.
It’s so normalized that if you’re not doing it, you’re the odd one out. You heard that right!
The modern era of 10-minute grocery deliveries has distorted our sense of expectations. We’re looking for everything on our fingertips. A slight mismatch in such expectations and we’re off to the races with those 3Cs: complaining about culture of corruption, criticizing corporates for their careless conduct and comparing countries to corrode our contentment. We seemed to have lost touch with human beings and are constantly primed to expect the worst of humanity. Worse yet, we’re constantly seeking ‘more’ which is making us more and more miserable.
But, what’s so toxic about complaining, criticizing and comparing — don’t we move towards progress by demanding something better? The answer is yes and no.
Yes — when you’re present in forums where those complaints, criticisms and comparisons are received positively and you’re actively trying to bring about an improvement of sorts. The key here is what is your intention behind those 3Cs — if you’re oriented towards making a difference, and have the credibility, influence, power and authenticity to do something about the status quo, perhaps you need to be invited into more environments where your complaints, criticisms and comparisons are actively heard.
But for most of us, we’re entertaining ourselves by hiding behind the veil of superiority and passing unsolicited judgments about everything there is to talk about. We start our days with these 3Cs at the onset of our days and with the first thing that shows itself — how the news headlines in another part of the country are feeding our pre-conceived bias towards the corrupted government — complaints cried, criticisms chanted and comparisons casted towards an invisible audience. If there was a penny jar for every time such an act made a positive difference, it’d be absolutely empty. Such behavior only disrupts silence and the creative energy that a morning brings, and the habit is meant to fuel confirmation bias — we aren’t truly looking for evidence against what we already believe in. On the contrary, any evidence that has the potential for changing pre-existing beliefs is viewed with extreme cynicism. What is the point of wearing a mask of “open mind” then?
It begs the question if our biological evolution supports the use of these 3Cs on a regular basis in the modern environment. The answer to that is a resounding YES, but we’re misusing these tools completely.
Complaining has served as a critical form of communication throughout human history. It alerts others to problems and can mobilize support or resources. In our ancestral groups, voicing discontent over inadequate food or unsafe conditions wasn’t just whining; it was survival. Expressing dissatisfaction could mean the difference between life and death, ensuring that needs were met and vulnerabilities addressed.
However, in the modern day, we’ve forgotten the use of this powerful form of communication. More than supporting constructive feedback and creating a movement for positive change, complaining has unconsciously or subconsciously become the go-to channel in voicing out unresolved and deep-seated emotional issues that haven’t seen the light of day. Complaining acts as a way to release these emotions in an unhealthy way that doesn’t support our evolutionary use of it. We aren’t receiving enough emotional and mental support to express inner feelings in safe ways and are relying on complaining to indirectly channel our inner world. We’re creating wider gaps between human connections with the misuse of such a form of communication. Hence, just another form of indulgence and entertainment.
Criticism has evolved as a means to uphold social norms and foster cooperation. By calling out harmful behaviors, early humans promoted group cohesion and collaboration, essential for survival in tightly-knit communities. It helped to regulate behavior and maintain fairness, ensuring that resources were shared and that everyone played their part.
Today, criticism serves to showcase someone’s view on righteousness, be it moral, ethical or based on socially expected standards. In a world characterized by diverse viewpoints and cultural differences, criticism is used to inflate the ego by supposedly providing a critical assessment of the situation at hand — a way to show others of how important the ‘self’ is. Criticizing something or someone doesn’t require intellect as others would like you to believe — all it requires is the ability to form an opinion in a negative light. It’s a practice, just like anything else. The air around people who are consistently criticizing becomes more difficult to breathe because the recognition of what’s working well becomes invisible or unimportant.
Comparison has deep roots in social dynamics. It allows us to assess our standing within a group, providing insights into social hierarchies and mate selection. Understanding where we fit helps us navigate complex relationships and find allies, rivals, or partners. This instinct to compare has driven us to seek self-improvement and adapt to our environments, pushing us to strive for more — whether that’s in terms of status, resources, or personal achievement.
Comparison has become the most insidious and pervasive forms of toxicity in the modern era with access to every body else’s lives at our finger tips. Most of the time, comparisons are intentionally used to feel better about ourselves by seeing the lack in others. Or we’re becoming more and more miserable as a society by constantly following the highlights of other people’s otherwise miserable lives and feeling worthless about our own.
Below are ten commandments that can help enhance your life in relation to the 3Cs:
Thou Shalt Cultivate Awareness
Recognize when you engage in complaining, criticizing, or comparing. Pause and reflect on your motivations and feelings before speaking. Ask yourself “What do I gain from complaining, criticizing, or comparing chronically?”
Thou Shalt Choose Constructive Feedback
When expressing dissatisfaction, aim to offer constructive solutions or alternatives instead of merely voicing complaints. Follow the golden rule — if you have nothing meaningful to add, zip it.
Thou Shalt Embrace Gratitude
Regularly practice gratitude by acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your life, shifting your focus from what’s lacking. Recognition of what’s present has the ability to create abundance within.
Thou Shalt Foster Empathy
Before criticizing others, consider their perspective and circumstances. Strive to understand rather than judge. Remember, every one has walked different miles.
Thou Shalt Celebrate Others’ Successes
Replace envy with encouragement. Celebrate the achievements of others and view them as inspiration rather than comparisons. Every time you’re drawn towards envy, use it as a signal to go deeper and gain an understanding of the self.
Thou Shalt Seek Connection
Engage in conversations that build relationships rather than create division. Focus on shared experiences and mutual support. It’s far too easy to notice the differences — seek the overlap.
Thou Shalt Practice Mindfulness
Be present in your interactions. Listen actively and respond thoughtfully, avoiding knee-jerk reactions rooted in negativity. Listen to understand first.
Thou Shalt Limit Negative Influences
Distance yourself from toxic environments and media that perpetuate complaining, criticism, and comparison, opting instead for uplifting content. Your energy, willpower and determination get more eroded on the negative content.
Thou Shalt Share Your Journey
Use your experiences to connect with others. Share your challenges and growth without casting judgment on yourself or others. You are more unique than you give yourself credit for.
Thou Shalt Commit to Personal Growth
Make a conscious effort to evolve. Seek out opportunities for learning, self-improvement, and positive dialogue, embracing the journey of becoming your best self. You needn’t be stagnant.